Friday, November 16, 2012
Thursday, November 8th
I suddenly felt dizzy after I had an early shower at around 8PM. I informed my roommate about it and she suspect that it was vertigo. I was asked to stand straight up and that was when I had to ran into my bathroom to throw up. And that happened again and again for almost everytime I walk or even getting my head straight up without any support. My roommates decided that it's best to get me to the hospital. There I stayed for several hours on the bed after 30 minutes of waiting. I was diagnoised with both dehydration and vertigo and I received the prescription at 3:30AM. But I refused to believe that I have vertigo. No.
Around 10AM, I woke up feeling a lot better but I'm physically tired. I had to throw up until my stomach is completely empty last night, so my tummy felt funny. I was scheduled to meet my co-founder and his wife at noon with a cameraman to start the project for IgniteASL. I texted them to meet an hour later. After some advices, I decided to toss the prescription slip and I filled water into the biggest bottle I have. I went ahead with the project all day and the next day- Friday and Saturday. I was allright. Does it seemed real? No.
It must have been partly a spiritual battle. That was what I've been telling myself. It wasn't the vertigo. My friends and I felt that I was somehow affected by the earlier converstaion which had surfaced some pains and flashbacks. It must have released some toxicity into my body, leading to this. But how can I prevent it from happening again? Why now?
This morning I realized that I've forgotten the very Scripture I memorized that have been protected me when I was a teenager. Throughout my life, I held onto Proverb 4:23. And I've somehow lost hold of the very thing I had held close to my heart when my life seemed to be much easier. So I must have loosened the hope I had. As I prayed in the chapel, I decided to reopen the verse to read even though I've memorized the verse. Wow, I had a new revelation because I didn't memorize the verses leading into this.
"My [daughter], pay attention to what I say; turn your ear to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart; for they are life to those who find them and health to one's whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it." -Prov 4:20-23
I love the promise He had given us! Hold tight to His words and you will find health to one's whole body. Whole body, not part! Then I understood that I had to go back to His words to rebuild the spiritual immune system. I used to guard my spiritual immune system well when I was used to the offenses. I was unoffendable. And somehow that had changed. All I know is that I had to seek Him and find the answer through prayer and fasting.
What about you? Are you staying rooted into the Word? Is your spiritual immune system strong? Are you the unoffendable?
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Then "It shall come to pass in the latter days that the mountain of the house of the Lord shall be established as the highest of the mountains, and shall be lifted up above the hills; and all the nations shall flow to it, and many peoples shall come, and say: 'Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob, that he may teach us his ways and that we may walk in his path.'" - Isaiah 2:2-4
Break the obstacles. Break the hopeless. Break the impossiblities.
We are called to believe that all things are possible through God who gives us strength. It's a tough calling. I don't know about you, but for me, a tough calling is to bridge the gap between the communities. Galatians 3:28 is sealed upon my heart for several years. But it's been a few years since I started practicing the "Neither hearing nor deaf, but all are one in Christ", I discovered that it is much tougher to be a Deaf ministry leader within a church than it is to be a captain of a girls' basketball team in high school or in college or anything else. I believe that it's because the more you obey your calling and the higher you aim for, the more obstacles were created specifically for you. But hey! Every struggle develops you.
Friday, August 31, 2012
Then I suddenly recalled a sermon from Bayless Conley- something like "Expectations in things set you for the disappointments, but expectations from God set you for success." As I think about it, a question was infused into my thought, "What's the difference between hope and expectation?"
I googled for their definitions and any article that explains the difference. I suddenly realized that I expected a lot of things in my life. I expected something from God and from the people instead of hope. Their definitions are similar- they both internally desired for something in our journey. But they both have a different way of expressing. Hope expresses a feeling or an intuitive that it shall be (which opens to others' point-of-view). Expectation expresses a knowledge or a determined set of values that it shall be (in one's point-of-view of course).
Here is the chart from the article I found that would help us survey ourselves whether we have the attitude of hoping or expecting:
So grateful for the insight this morning. It helps me to hope and expect (a different kind of espectation) in God. It is not with a fearful expectation of judgment (Heb 10:27) but with expectation in what God had specifically and eternally promised (Phil 1:20).
"The hope of the righteous brings joy, but the expectation of the wicked will perish." -Prov 10:28
Sunday, August 19, 2012
It may and may not change me.
After few years of observing few honorable Assembly of God pastors and other denominational pastors. I've seen that not all of them agree with their own doctrines, but all of them have agreed to follow the Christ. I've seen an Assembly of God pastor signing up for a Southern Baptist Conference. I've seen different denominational Body gathers together at Alpha Conference and how each one would look at one another in how we all worship God uniquely- either stiffly or freely. Morever, I've known an Assembly of God pastor who had never speak in tongues continuing his pastoral ministry. What is this?!
As a short-term pastor kid under Assmebly of God dad and a short-term missionary kid under Youth With A Mission parents, I've seen some authentic leaders and hypocritical leaders. And they existed everywhere and nowhere. I have experienced the spiritual abuses and the spiritual healings myself. We are all sinners and we are all His ambassadors. But there is the one very thing that draws me: a few matured Christians in each denomination are well respected in their own denomational group as well as in another denominational group.
"If we live by the Spirit, let us also walk by the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another." Gal 5:25-26
Friday, June 29, 2012
|New Poster at Ebenezers Coffeehouse|
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Several months ago, the right end of the couch had became my home office. My laptop was attached to the short cord of Ethernet after its Wi-Fi ceased to function. I was stuck at the spot. That was until I found a perfect free desk abandoned outside for anybody. I rejoiced over this desk and so I begged a roommate to carry it over and we could share the desk to work. She gave up her 15 minutes. The desk was set in the end of the hallway and I borrowed the extended Ethernet cord from another roommate to create a working space. After everything is set, I realized that sharing the desk would cause a crisis- a scheduling problem! So I made the wisest decision by backing out from sharing the desk, "It's my desk and I have less spaces than you do." I reasoned that since my other roommate have a certain shelves/drawer somewhere in the living room and in the hallway and I don't, so I have the right to this space to this desk. Or it was what I thought, eh?
Yesterday I felt the nudging from the Lord to give away the desk. And so I took it outside past midnight and posted it "FREE". That morning I had a regular morning prayers and in middle of this I got a message from a dad of two kids I babysit. He asked me if I could babysit them at a last minute notice because his friend's kids were sick. I accepted the assignment. In few hours, the toddlers were over and the dad liked the desk and took it home! It was a blessing to him. Wow. But I was back to the right end of the couch. It was backward awkward.
Today was a few extra steps backward. My office at home is not limited to the right end of the couch. Due to the change, I took the effort to see if I could fix the problem with the Wi-Fi. I learned that the problem was not a problem, but overlooked. The Wi-Fi switch was simply somehow turned off. I think that's what happen when you have an adorable toddler in the house! And so I switched it on. Voila! It works. Which means I could work on the dining table, on my bunk bed, at Ebenezers Coffeehouse, or wherever Wi-Fi is available. Well I could also go back to the favorite right end of the couch.
The point of the story is that we are sometimes "blind-stuck". We could overlook a small source of the problem which caused us to become stuck. Yet I felt that God used this "blind-stuck" situation to glorify Himself. I don't know if we have sinned, but I know that God had opened our eyes. Our "eyes" are opened because our "ears" are listening.
The blind man in John 9 was listening, spiritually speaking. If not, then let us say "Ephphatha" to listen.
Monday, June 11, 2012
But in our time something new has been added. What Moses and the prophets witnessed to all those years has happened. The God-setting-things-right that we read about has become Jesus-setting-things-right for us. And not only for us, but for everyone who believes in him. For there is no difference between us and them in this. Since we've compiled this long and sorry record as sinners (both us and them) and proved that we are utterly incapable of living the glorious lives God wills for us, God did it for us. Out of sheer generosity he put us in right standing with himself. A pure gift. He got us out of the mess we're in and restored us to where he always wanted us to be. And he did it by means of Jesus Christ. http://bible.us/Rom3.24.MSG
I was restless all night. All I felt was the condemnation. I criticized myself and others. I was frustrated. I thought of how frustrated Elijah was when he shouted in the wilderness, "I wanna die!" Then God guided him. I told him to direct me. I needed to be convicted by the Holy Spirit of something. I knew that I wasn't a god and that I cannot continue to condemn myself. But what was the conviction? What needed to be changed? And how?
"Give away your desk," was all what He said. I argue at first. It was crazy. I needed to finish preparing for the workshop I was going to teach. I needed it to work effectively. I wasn't supposed to feel guilty for taking up such a small space when it seemed fair according to my measurement. Afterall, my roommates had their portions of space.
"Do you trust me?" I suddenly realized that I was trying to work for Him myself rather than obeying. I was a "working dog" titled in Ecclesiastes 4 (MSG), indeed. Thus I responded by getting off my bed at midnight to get my stuff out and carry my desk out quickly. Firstly, I knew that I couldn't sleep without acting. Secondly, I knew that I may hesitate again in the morning.
The disciples also had to give up their homes and careers to follow Jesus without understanding why they had to. Mary poured the expensive perfume on Jesus' feet, she probably had no clue about His death or how soon it will be. Judas is the exceptional, he criticized Mary for giving away her perfume. He later clinged to the money bag, which led him to betray Jesus. I believe that somewhere along the way, he heard the conviction but he reasoned with himself because that conviction didn't make sense to him. He forgot why he was following Jesus in the first place.
We may either cling to something or give something away to cling to Jesus.